Happy New Year !

Thanks for being part of this blog . My blogging reignited this very year while I had some leisure time in my hand in the initial days . Thanks to you people who have been part of this whole discussion . Will definitely come up with good pieces in the following year . Until then "Happy New Year !" , hope you get drunk , sloshed and wasted this new years :)

Celebrity New Year Resolutions

We all have a list of resolutions each year . I have been trying to hit the gym since the past three months . I don't mind burning some fat on my resolution now and yes saving some money too , maybe we could chat about it sometime . Although our resolutions last long or not we do have some celebrities who might have few resolutions of their own . I would like to talk about celebrities from my homeland - India ! So, lets begin ....

Govinda

Why him ? Well since it's his birthday today I'd rather start with him first . Wish this man a very bright and colorful (pun intended) year ahead . This guy is the one who wouldn't mind endorsing a rainbow . Now apart from improving the way he laughs he'd be wondering which colors to shop for during the next year . So he will be partly arranging for the list of colors that Asian Paints might not have in their catalogue to fit into his wardrobe .

Bappi Lahiri 

Yes I know what you're thinking that " he's probably dreaming about buying more gold " . Well apart from the gold stack he's planning he's picked up a new ability . First he goes around accusing A.R. Rehman for stealing his thunder . He's now planning to sue the "Toonpur" team for portraying him as a cartoon (yes reality bites !) . So he shall be busy making a list of  people he can sue and accuse to support his lavish lifestyle how else would he be able to afford more gold .

Rakhi Sawant 

She's probably planning a lot for the coming year . She wishes to be part of the reality show where Rahul Mahajan will wed his wife number ??? (err lost count) . After setting an example with her marriage on National Television she would continue being part of the marriage counseling bureau . And yes how can we forget her "SPEAKWELL" English training classes that she aims at starting soon . 

Kamal R. Khan

Ask me who and I will personally come get you to watch his best flick ever - DESHDROHI . This guy is a celebrity of celbrities . Well at least he acts like one I must tell you .  This guy is probably wishing he'd release another sequel to the movie and know what he's sitting at home working on it right now ! His loyal audience awaits his new release .

Himesh Reshammiya 

Unleash thy true potential . There is a lot in store for this guy . I am not lying he is going global . Soon to launch albums in English and meet the greater audience . I can just see it - his CD right next to my favourite singer "Justin Beiber's " albums . Ahhh sky rocketing sales already . " Baby baby oooooooooo "

That's it for now . Thanks for still reading this thing guys . Now time to share it if you like it that much .

Cyc-hed Out!

Have you ever rode a bicycle when you were a teenager ? Have you enjoyed it as much as you should have ? Have you tried to ride the bicycle with no hands ? Well too many questions but the reason I am asking you these things is this weekend I rode a bicycle after so many years and I had a lot of thoughts in my head . These were some of the following :

1. No signals , no traffic : 

You can maneuver through little by-lanes and spots or openings that would help you navigate through your city . Thus lesser amount of time spent on those stupid traffic lights . Dodging in every which way possible you obviously reach your destination before those buggers on vehicles do . And yes you could even drive on the wrong side of the road if you wanted to , but I would not count on it though .

2. From zero to Lance Armstrong :

Those unnecessary hours at the Gym . Trivial exercises . Too much on your plate to even go hit the gym probably cycling will help you figure out a good way to exercise . Lance Armstrong the man who could battle Cancer and the one has a passion for cycling will always be your role model . And if you were wondering what muscles you would train you should take a look here .

3. Drunken Driving :

Every time I go to a bar I need to park my bike somewhere safe so that I can pick it up the next day . But if you were to ride a bi-cycle , you wouldn't be worrying about it so much . You can totally get sloshed and ride it back home . Just do not forget to wear your riding gear if you are too tipsy I mean .

4. Jo Jeeta wahi sikander :

Everyday you ride your cycle you would have one song to sing . Pure inspiration from a hit movie . Blood pumping through your veins . Only at the end of the day you would not have a school to support for but still have a song to sing along . Tired of it you can even try and switch to a better song to impress thy women , something like " Sone ki cycle , Chandi ki seat "( FYI i heart bollywood ) .

5. Save on money : 

Low on cash this is the right choice for your travel escapades . It is by far the cheapest substitute for your traveling woes . Just hop on to your cycle and all your money problems begin to fade away . In the meantime Captain Planet appreciates your help towards a greener future . I can imagine Gaia in the background with her spiritual looks totally checking you out .

And again if  you were wondering why I brought up cycling today , it is cause of an initiative started by a man from Bengaluru who visions for a greener tomorrow .

If you cared maybe you should have a look at this link :

http://www.gogreengocycling.org/

The Facebook Bias

1. Always online :  These people were meant to be online on facebook . They are there waiting , watching their computer screens to load something ; yes something atleast so they can feed their dead brains or they just keep clicking on the " Most Recent " tab over and over again . Finally realizing whatever they have right now is complete and updated feeds about their friends . Its actually pretty exhausting in the beginning but sooner or later everyone catches up to it . So needn't worry . Keep pushing that button .

2. He likes : You make a post about being kicked in the nuts , this butt head will not wait to click on the like button . Its involuntary you know , the rule that applies here is someone posts something on their wall about liking or not liking things and he will pop in and go ahead to like that thing you just wrote . Works wonderful at times even liking your status update with in 3 seconds . Even though sometimes the post maybe have been put up in the dead of the night .  He surely could be someone who is offensive in his own way . 

3. Video Spammer : The interesting part about this guy could only be that sometimes its a relief to have a look at the videos that were posted on his wall . Some maybe funny , some may want to teach you some moral value or some maybe crappy old stuff that you've seen a lot of times already . It occurs to you at times that does he even watch all these videos he's been posting . I think I had seen him comment on a video of a dog pooping which read " how nice ! I wish I could do this sometime . "

4. Quote me not :  You were wondering if hes the guy right out of page 3 with high intellect . Ah yes ! both being ironical couldn't ever exist . Making a fool of himself with a dairy of quotes in his hand and facebook at the other . He starts jotting down statements meant for kids or Justin Bieber as he merrily indulges into his facebook etiquette . The only reason you want him on your wall is that without his stupid anecdotes you would never have had happier day .

5. The Application Addict : Takes a quiz about you and posts it on your wall saying that "To know about the answers that I have given about you , you need to press here " . There you go intrigued wondering what could be that thing he was talking about later only to find out that it was an auto generated post which he FUCKING DIN'T REALISE when he clicked on the application . Another kind is those people who game a lot and keep updating with their high scores . What do you know " I DONOT WANNA KNOW ABOUT IT !"

6. The I see you I will ping you guy : They are virtual stalkers . They are lonely and waiting for you to come online . They wait with their flickering monitors and keyboards to say "hi" to you . And when you do respond to them , they just stop talking . Isn't that fun now ?  Keep doing that to your friends when they come online , you are sure to piss them off . Eventually being knocked off their friend lists too .

7. Parents are on facebook you creep ! :  You were tagged in that album where you got wasted in your swimming trunks no problem at all you wouldn't realise how soon it will go as an update over your parents wall at times . Yes their intellect equals to that of a lab rat and there is no end to it . Keep getting tagged in indecent pictures and let the world know of how retarded you were in the first place to add him as a friend .

8. The Event Co-ordinator : A festival to celebrate an uncle's younger brother's elder sister's little son's thread ceremony . Well worry not you are sure to get an invite soon . The only thing bothering you right now would be " HOW THE HECK DO I KNOW THIS GUY ? " From Funerals to Marriage (not arranged chronologically) , he organizes everything . So what hes got 15000 people in his list , he's still your friend right ?

9. Oh look I have more friends than you do : " The List " . It consists of people from all over the globe who have the same occupation as you do i.e. "Send Friend Requests" . Begins a morning with a hot cup of coffee and the Daily Friend Suggestion column for his breakfast . There is no escaping a request from this fella . You definitely have been invited to be a part of his friend list at some point of time .

10. The guy with random updates : Though these updates are not random all the time but you kinda have him on your wall updating saying "Too sloshed at work I so miss you already" . Wondering who was he referring to since he's the guy who in the wildest of your dreams would never get hooked . So you go ahead and post about the sweet nothings on his wall and what do you know he was talking about the beer can in his refrigerator .

Haha have a good one folks . Thanks for reading .

Mactarded

Yes its not a noun its a it is an adjective to express all mac lovers affection towards their sweet devices. There are basically two types of people in this universe , one who owns a MAC and the rest who don't (go figure) .

Well the reason for owning a MAC could sometimes be completely unnecessary hence the anger inside me begins to rise . The one guy who was not aware of what it was like to own a computer rig gets mac-ti-fied ! And voila we have envy ; green , red whatever color you call it pure envy .

Then comes a thought to me that what if there were a few devices you would love Apple  to make sometime . It could include always start with an "i" oh yes it would . I always wanted a device for swearing called i-swear or something when Indians would love to call i-shappath .


The i-phone 4 was something that was discussed a lot about a few days ago . Now I hear plans of another phone in the making and then you begin to think " Steve , stop it ! " . Just when you were rejoicing the feeling of owning thy phone you get struck by a new better release of the phone you hold in your hands . Sympathies to you my friend (Evil cackle in my head though ) .

There were times when a simple basic mp3 player was okay to listen to . But after the arrival of the i-pod ! God had never been so biased might have thought the competitors . The reason for the i-pod turning a hit would be the User Interface , oh yes it had a perfect UI . Turn the dial on the player like you used to just like in the olden days when you had to crank every number on your telephone . This was much interesting to play with . It was cool . It was white as the dove.

Then came different versions of the same shit , ipod nanos , touchs and then the i-phone . The same ipod touch which would allow you to make phone calls , well there were other features too but I just love de-glorifying your i-touch man ! The poor guy who owns an i-touch thinks " Steve STOP FUCKING WITH ME " . That's what I meant when I said new releases every 3 months .

Soon came the i-pad . This was a sleek and a sturdy design , yet again ! Everything is just perfect . The only thing it lacks is a fucking USB port !! Well actually the dock is present but USB would have rather been very simpler without us trying to connect that Apple cable every time we wanted to add an external device . And don't even get me started on it not being able to multi-task now .

Thus Mactards we still love you but wait before you make purchases cause maybe there will be something in line for you within the next few months . End of story .

Basic Plan on a weekend

Today I come to speak about the importance of a weekend in our lives . Weekends are filled with a lot of plans . Plans that need to be scheduled from A to B and involve A LOT of people . It is usually followed with  joy , laughter and then merriment at the bar . Whenever I think about weekends the first thing that comes to my mind is  " Sleep " . If you get up early you are one big fool cause lunch is not ready yet ! And then when  you do wake up you end up cherishing a good brunch . There is always a good probablity you would want to wind up at a theatre and watch a movie .

Weekends are when the mall is hogged by a  colossal crowd . Uncles and haunties roam with their kids who are always the crankiest ones in the batch and then you begin to wonder about how weekends used to be family time . That family time is compensated with mummy buying attire for that function she might go to , maybe next weekend . And then you realize that dad is playing cool just cause he is allowed drinks with his friends later in the evening .

Well few things that you'd want to do on a weekend would include :

Eat : Well it could be anything from a home cooked meal to a delicacy at your local restaurant . I tend to eat more than I should during weekends just cause me thinks there is a lot of food in this world and someone has to be there to contribute to the ecological balance . Yes indeed a very big challenge in hand .

Sleeep : All work and no sleep would have rather tired you out but during this special day we sleep and sleep and sleep until there is someone who shakes you up and says " get the f... up , its noon !! " . Then you eat and again get back to sleep . That's usually the routine that I follow what about you ?

Drink : Ahh yes how can this not be part of my post .  Your inners filled with concoctions of various liquids starting with the expensive ones and then you wind up thinking you  just want to get wasted and finally order the cheapest drink at the bar . There is some serious nervous damage that is done by the end of the night .Waking up with a heavy head is sometimes a part of Monday mornings .

Shopping : I had to put this one in ! women on my blog would otherwise be upset about not writing about their favourite past time :P With your hand bags filled with the green you travel to the  land of joy and happiness . You exit stores with your million dollar smiles and finally its safe for us to talk to you now .

Please feel free share your expertise on weekends my friends (falls on his knees ) pleasseeeeee . Ok that's enough of self embarrassment .

1000 Views

Well what do you know ; people , yes real HUMAN BEINGS are supposedly reading a lot these days and they happen to browse my blog while they are at it . Yes yes yes ! 1000 Views on my blog , I feel the urge to celebrate . 

Alright now I think I can take my hands off this Refresh button that I have been holding for sooo long . In order to commemorate this feat I'd like to buy you all a glass of beer . Yes come to my place people . Beers on the house . Women who don't drink we have margaritas for you all . The celebrations will be followed by a candle light march . It will be routed through my living room to the kitchen . That is all the exercise I can take in a day .

Alright gotta run !

Thank you people :)

GOOD BAD and the UGLY

When you know you have bad days you should be aware it could get worse , so Have Fun at whatever you do . Cheers !

5 Reasons you need to be on twitter

The world revolves around you and so does twitter . These are some few reasons why you should be on this micro-blogging network .


1. Celebrities :

Well more or less everyone is on twitter because they wish to know about their favourite celebrities . Though this is sometimes that bothers you since the ones you worship on screen could be so dumb in real life . Well for instance check this tweet of Sherlyn Chopra

2. You have funny people online :

I have ended up following a lot of funny people . They talk about things that are currently being rubbished about on television in a very satirical tone . Its more of a stress relief . Rather than being down with the wicked ways of this cruel world you get to actually tickle your funny bone .

3. You can give first hand updates : 

 Yes though you have never been a celebrity but bragging about your newly owned car would not hurt if you were on twitter . It helps people know what you have been doing which may also be held against you sometimes but nevertheless you will have a ball while you are at it .

4. News updates :

The more humans I follow on twitter , the equivalent tech blogs I follow . This is cause getting news about new releases does help you a lot . There will be a time when people will switch off their televisions sets and rather know about whats going on through twitter . Aaaaannd has anyone told you twitter got hacked yesterday ? check it out :

 This is how big the fonts on twitter looked yesterday .

5. Twitter has Lord_Ram :

Its true , I truly believe he exists . Well for the ones who did not follow him , you shall be cursed and sent on an exile for 14 minutes to the other room while your parents turn off your computer . Bwahaha , whatever .... just start tweeting , will you ?

my twitter handle : www.twitter.com/crazycreature11 , this is where can spread the love at .

Engineer's Day Galore

On the eve of Engineer's day let me tell you about something that every engineer feared telling you about . Well atleast the one's who have passed from Mumbai University .

1. Never has completed an assignment by himself :

This is the best part about engineers they have never had the enthusiasm of writing their own assignments . Plagiarism rules completely ! The moment they turn on their computers Google is the answer to their questions . The one guy who writes all the assignments though is worshiped like GOD at times (never anger him or his wrath shall disown you all ) .

2. Two words - preparatory leave :

This is THE MOST crucial time of an engineering students life . If it wasn't for this free period of time we'd never study at all ! The only thing that kept us afloat trying our best to be engineers were the 'University Question Papers' that saved a lot of lives in the end .

3.Final Year Projects :

There would once come a time in an engineer's life when he was supposed to prove his mettle . But yet again it wasn't this year . Enjoying two-thirds of his final year hell broke lose when the time for submitting your project would come close . The alternative to keep your cool was to happily let someone else do it for a small fee ofcourse ! This would then let you stay sane for some time .

4.Midterms :

These were supposed to be exams right in the middle of a semester . It would test us in every which way possible with questions from a lot of sources . The more you wasted your time trying to study for them , the bigger moron you would become by the end of the day . Hence the best way to tackle this situation would be to print 5 small sheets of papers available at your local photocopy center and get out of the class when you are done writing . Spread the word my fellow beings !

5.Girls :

Girls are close to being redundant when you are turning into an engineer . The theory about the adjoining college having a larger girl population would be put forward ( 5 out of 5 times it would always be true !) . The more geekier you looked the more eager you were to find girls . Basically they turn you into sexually deprived creatures who are self satisfied at the end of the day (hey stop looking at me , I have a girl friend ok ? *looks at the sky* ) .

Attention

Last week when I was in Vegas .... aah gotcha ! Well sometimes we need to do something exceptional to grab some attention . There are a distinguished group of personalities we come in contact with everyday some who are dying to get that attention . The more you stare , the happier they are and vice-versa .

The other evening I was with a friend he told me its human tendency to be looked at . So when you are actually looking at a girl its not a bad thing , is it ?  (You can look but stop staring at it ! ) . Well what about when you don't get your work done ? There are evidences of people doing weird things to get some attention . These peculiar qualities in individuals are like a sign posts that are held up over their heads saying - Look here !

The crazy stuff is that at some point of time everyone might have done something to turn a glance . Example -  Wooing women . Enough said .

The classiest of examples is our Indian Film Industry . They are constantly in the news for the teeniest of reasons . I plead to our Indian New Channels especially India T.V. (who taunts  me with  pictures of Rakhi Sawant ... don't know why  ) informing viewers about the news and mentally torturing them with the oodles of repeat telecasts all day is not what your viewers would like to watch .

There are variety of attention seeking individuals you come across ; some who get attention for a short span of time , while some have your attention for a longer time . There is nothing bad about seeking attention but stop overdoing it man .

 And again for the 5 people reading this blog . Thanks for the patience and your support ( fake tears in my eyes  ) . I love you people :)

115 to 350 . The Power of biking .

    On my way back home from work I get a call from my dear friend Nagu saying he wishes to learn to ride his newly possessed , 350 CC , high powered , huge structured and gigantic "Bullet " . Only few men have the ability and the strength to master this mean machine . It takes self control and extending your mental and physical strengths to the optimum level which was rather a challenge in itself .  Shamelessly accepting the fact of never ridden anything like it  I rush to his place at once . And this one was an untamed beast . We were just trying to learn how the pedals work on this thing .Its beauty being the most impeccable thing on this planet .

    With a few  strokes and kicks we manage to charge this beast up . Struggling with the reverse engineering used on this one we rest ourselves on its back . With reverse engineering I mean the brakes and the gears have switched places , so as I said takes mental stability to acquaint yourself with this bull . Taking mental notes and constantly reminding ourselves about the intertwined gear system we ride it a few  kilometers . Then comes the worst part ; bringing it to a stop .

   After so much experience of riding bikes my own being a 115 CC one I step on the brakes just to figure out that its not in the right place and the neutral gear seems pretty hard to find . I hurriedly push the brake much sort of like having a panic attack . It comes to a stand still finally and my intuition telling me that the bike  laughs sheepishly at my stunt . The next thing I know is this creature rests silently waiting to be powered up once again . The very fact about this bike being the only one that India Exports is brought to my knowledge , and I wouldn't doubt that piece of information at all .

   I would definitely like to compare my bike with this 350 CC engine but all said and done , this thing is a class apart . As a friend of mine once said " Its not a bike , its a Bullet " . Falling short of words to describe it is nothing unusual . By the way did I tell you the bike I am riding is like 30 years old and it still hasn't fallen apart even after so many travels its been on . This bike has a story , a story to share to the world and I feel proud to be part of this tale which was short lived but very interesting .

Special Thanks to Narendra for giving us this opportunity to ride his priced possession once in a while.

Super Powers in the City

Whirling , swooshing and making all sorts of sounds a Super Hero enters into every page of a comic book . The ones with the popular powers have the habit of prancing into the strip out of nowhere . Enough said about the heroes , imagine the world that we live in today and with the 9 to 5 shifts that we have ; the country can hardly count on us . Everyone wished there would have been something special about them and would get things done quicker . The lazy ass sitting on the cozy chair tells us that we are entitled to have some super powers now , right ? Well these super powers listed below are something that will help you survive and maybe Save the day . 

• Super Speed : So many things , so little time .  Fear not ! Captian Speed to the rescue . You could basically run around wherever you wanted to ( careful measures to be improvised if you are wearing glasses ) . That thing that which seems like in a galaxy far far away you could run for it and make it seem like a footstep away . Now the best part of this is for you to escape unexpected situations . You want to run away from someone who you did not want to crash into SUPER SPEED to the rescue . The sad bugger wouldn't bother you ever . A pleasure when it comes to evading the x's .

• Invisibility : There are things we want to hide from like when you are trying to work or 'pretending to work' as i say , you just need to turn that shield ON and you will not be bothered by a soul on earth . Especially when you have your friends trying to grab your neck for drunk dialing his girl friend last night and telling her that he wasn't man enough for one more drink ( a shame only a true alcoholic knows about) . Then you have the skills to walk into places where they have these conversations or gossips going on and then you could be the first one to find out ( please keep out of the reach of your boss cause if you are out of your seat he WILL find that out) .Again the ones who prefer nudity this is your chance for streaking in public . There you have it invisibility at its best .

  

Picture above is for representational purposes only .(What you don't see an image above ? ahh right hes invisible for now ) 

• Telepathy : Forget facebook , orkut , myspace , linkedn , twitter , delicious and what not  ( ya the list is long now bare with it ) . You have the power to update about things faster than any other mammal on this planet . Though you are not a mind reader but communication is the key to every relationship . The worst part would be if you send the message to some one you kept evading for years . This is where you turn your powers OFF . Then you ask SUPER-SPEED to help you get away from your cramped dungeon (obviously where do you think you'd live now ? ) 

• Strech : This one is for the dirty folks or the perverted ones who wished that things should have grew longer . End of story . You save the day whenever the time cums ( pun not intended ) that is .

• Cool Breathe : Life in the city is hot as hell and with cool breathe on your side you have nothing to be afraid about sharing . Going around with your mouth open and cooling the environment is good but if you have bad breath then probably you should skip the social service for today . There are a few instances where you will save the day now when the fire crew fails to control a few sparks flying perhaps then the time calls for you to come in and rescue a few people .   

• Shrink : Ah you are thinking about your psychologist again are you ? Well forget him ! Shrinking is your ability meaning you can get smaller than those minuscule objects inside a microscope .  This ability now helps you make a lot of medical discoveries perhaps even curing a few in the ordeal . Though there could be a few hiccups if you lost your way back though you would stay inside the colony of ants in my living room like forever .

That tiny dot on the board , that is how small you'll be .

• Teleporter : When you have the ability to bend time and space you are bound to make fruitful use of it . Jump from on spot to another . Meetings every 10 minutes in different corners of the city no problem at all . You just jump from A to B in no time . The traffic is never an issue . You have the most happening life and you still find time to  work on those ballet lessons you signed up for last month .

• Fix-it-all Techie : The worst that could happen to mankind or rather people living in the city is being devoid of technology not working around them . The most crucial things ranging from mobile phones to internet . You have the ability to make things wonder in no time . Maybe Steve Jobs who is still working on a way to fix his new iPhone 4's reception would like to get a few lessons from you now .

Yes , hes a fix-it guy . When asked about the low reception on the iphone he laments that " You are holding it wrong "

Expectations Unlimited

This may sound a little out of focus but since expressing yourself when in a drunken state is acceptable , I believe in of the ideals of free speech and hence bring forward to you the examples of expectations . These have complete resemblance to real life and all facts hereby stated are completely true .

1.Expectations from friends 

Stuck in traffic , traveling by train or even short of money the first person you wish to contact is a friend . A friend in need is thus is always a friend indeed . Without someone who has the same ideals  and practices as you do you wouldn't ever connect with friend.

2.Expectations after an examination 

The world revolves around what you score . What your neighbors think about your score and the worst is what your friends think about where you stand . The more marks you score the high regards you hold in the eyes of your parents , your relatives , your friends  and everyone who you think didn't matter to you in your past .
 

3. Expectations with a date

Imagine yourself going out on a date with your significant other you keep wondering how it will turn out to be .The guy is constantly thinking 'Would I be getting that good night kiss after all ' . Now if it where the girl the golden rule that applies here is expecting the call from the guy within 3 days after the date . If its the guy whose fallen for the girl , god help you ! You are shit panicky about making that one call .

4. Expectations from your parents
 
Now if hell breaks lose you start expecting things from your parents . Parents are your worst enemies at times , they start creating something that is impervious to break through . I hope you should make the  most when you have a high understanding for what they tend to convey.

5. Expectations from your neighborhood 

If you weren't the sloppy kind then the neighborhood that you'd live in always mattered to you . You want good people surrounding you . You want a clean a decent surrounding too . Wouldn't want people knocking at your door if you played the music to loud or invited a few friends over .

6.Expecting a child

The most common cause of expecting after one gets married is someone who wishes to have a child . With your heart filled with joy you are venturing to the happier side of life .But if it wasn't planned for then probably you should be taught about those vending machines again . Yes Listen up now !


7.Expectations from the Government

Life usually revolves around what the government sets for us . Banning of after hours drinking , partying with loud music  , even sometimes fares for that auto-rickshaw that you often travel through . Security for women , children and the elderly is negotiated at some point or the other .
 
8. Expectations from life

The only thing that bothers anyone is who succeeds and who is left behind , these create a great divide even in intellectual minds . Every individual wishes to make the most of the time he spends with friends and family and thus with only one goal to achieve he breaks free from the bonds of human interaction .

9. Expectations from technology 
 
When Steve Jobs working so hard for your comfort , no wonder the i-phone releases a new version every few months . Google worshipers(such as 'me') wondering when there will be a new update on the google page . We are lazy bums and when we wish for some changes (technology-wise) we want it to happen soon .

10. Expectations from God :

'One last chance' or rather that lucky shot you were always pleading for is what your expecting from the almighty . One fine day all your prayers are for a purpose and that purpose is summed up to be delivered to him . Being an atheist I never believed in god though ; so my prayers were for Satan and shall always be .

5 Things that gross you out

Yes I am finally being sarcastic about the nation I live in . Any amount of convincing is not going to change my opinion about it . So here are the list of 5 (sluggish) awesome Indian things :


1.Digging your nose : 
Gross right ? Well there is not much you can do to improve such a habit . We ( yes imagine hairy,bald and ugly people in the "We" ) have this annoying habit of digging for treasures . The pleasures contained in this act is solely for the thrill seeking part of the adventure until you strike gold . Another favourite pastime as we may say it .

2.Farting :
Creating a gas chamber for a person sitting next to you never gives him a pleasurable experience unless you are have a fetish for odd things . This mainly happens in a crowded train when the on-lookers are least aware of what is about to hit them .

3.Sneezing :
 Usually when someone tries to suppress a sneeze it is said that he may rupture a nerve . Hence leaving no such traces behind we tend to sneeze as loud as we can . The tremors that are caused or the after effects are echoes that keep ringing in your head . The best way to avoid it is .... nothing just need to close your ears when you see someone trying to sneeze , if you are lucky enough you would dodge your way through the big bang !

4. Dirty Laundry :
This one is for the for people who wouldn't change laundry for days to come . Fumigating with nerve damaging powers these hunters set out for a sure kill . Carrying a pride over their stinking abilities they would put a skunk to shame . These people belong to areas which are devoid of water or they are activists working on their ecological footprint to make it through the worst .

5.Religious Bias :
Now when you are asked about your name the first thing that pops to someones head is what religion do you belong to . I wish that someone comes up with neutral names to end this discrimination . Then we can grow as a nation together !


Yours sincerely ,
Crazed Indian.

Day One at the Gym

First Day at the Gym tends to light a few sparks here and there , but since I had the least interest in performing any physical activities . I created a parallel universe for myself today so that I begin to enjoy the workout .

Exercise no.1 : Cycling

This workout is to help train your respiratory system and your heart . Now if you are speaking about the heart yes mine was pounding like a rock on a grindstone but it took about 5 minutes for me to figure out that i was ACTUALLY WORKING OUT .

Exercise no.2 : Tread Mill

Here the trainer found rejoice in coming every two minutes and pacing up the automated tread mill . With every step i took my breathing began to inflate . Thought the best part of this workout was i was able to figure out how many calories I had burnt . Result - 95.5 calories burnt

Exercise no.3 : Thing that has no name

Well the regime here applies to a machine where we ought to pedal with our hands . Not much to talk about here it was a 5 minute workout . Result -35 calories burnt

And so ends day-one with a few stretching exercises .

Weight:85kgs
Calories Burnt : 140.5

Do something good today

Yes yes ! I understand that you are too filled with moral values and doing something good is completely against you . Rather Satan would sponsor you for your devilish ways ( not that i believe that Satan exists *looks around for a crack in the ground* )

Well this incident has occurred a lot of times during the time I go for a walk everyday (yes everyday!) with my pals . I learned that when you go heavily armed , according to me carrying a wallet is being heavily armed for a walk . So now here you make provision to gather uninvited attention .

Few people come walking towards me and start asking me for money for no reason - now don't be so judgmental that I am being a prick about me boasting of my royalties , even so that I am but we will discuss about it some other day . So they gather around and start asking for hard cash (this is how we call it in India!).

Begging in India has become a "Royalty" the hobo comes to me and says : " Sir ! Can I get 10 bucks for a vada-pav . " ( now what do you say to a hobo who can speak English so fluently .

Without thinking for a second just hand him over 5 for him even learning to speak that language . Anyways this is how it happened and I did something good today . Wonder when you will do the same and help promote this cause .

Save the environment

Today I come forward not as a blogger but as an individual waiting to grieve in the sorrows of our mother nature . This is the part where you start crying .

Well here is a video I found really interesting on YouTube and wished to share with you folks .

Story of Bottled water

Reality TV

While watchin TV, I get really scared when I come across Cola Ads with following written in fine print at the bottom "Stunts are performed by Professionals. Do not try this at home."

So usually I end up plummeting myself from buildings, bungee jumping into valleys, parachuting from heights, parkouring across gaps.....

......rather than putting myself at serious health risk by downing that awful fizz drink.

Isn't that what they use the Professionals for ?!

*wink* (o_O) *wink*

Obligations

Hi again ! This is not a piece about how things work or how it would help you survive, this is just an abstract of what happens when you are attacked by a rare species . Though they are not completely unfamiliar breed they annoy you with their surprise visits . They are none other than your sweet uninvited guests .

You begin your day sitting at home watching T.V. when suddenly you get a phone call. " Ya , you are coming when ? Tomorrow !!!" . Now completely alarmed you start to fix a schedule to adjust them in your schedule one day at a time . It must have been days since you must have managed your time so well .

10 o'clock : Pick Them up at the station

12 o clock : Have Lunch

1 o clock : Quick Nap

4 o clock : Leave for sight seeing

6 o clock : Tea

9 o clock : Dinner ..... is something what would follow after their visit .

Hardly there would be time for you to even attend calls on your cell phone since you were super swamped with activities that you were never trained to perform before. " Beta , Show Uncle where we used to previously stay . Take the car if you want ." Suddenly driving the car around in traffic doesn't seem as annoying as it used to be . You start to connect with your car .

You have a quick breakfast since you might miss that boat which will probably take you to the place that you have seen 'n' number of times . You begin to interpret "Respect your elders" as a curse to man kind ! You begin to believe that once they are gone you will happily go back to your peaceful life but rather Einstein's theory of relativity begins to seem evident at such times .


Travel , Travel , Travel ! are the only things that keep you busy at these times . But now if you were to talk about Mumbai , trains are a boon yes ! But keeping track of the rush hours so that your guests wouldn't feel uncomfortable travelling is a huge task at hand .


At the end you begin to feel like a warrior who battled it out with glory written all over yourself .


P.S. Einstein's theory of relativity states that if you are "Time goes more slowly in higher gravitational fields"

Productive things that one can do at work

Now this is supposed to be a point by point thing but I wouldn't want to restrict myself to a particular number . So these are some situations where when you get bored you head out hunting, not literally though ! When working at your office or while you are studying you end up at a point of time where you are not able to concentrate any further to this is going to be a list of things that you would certainly be able to do past you reach such a point :

1. Listen to Gothic music .

Yes sadly goth music is something that will turn your insides out and you will realize that how important your work is to you and how much you miss it already . Hence leading you back to your work .

2. Watch porn

Yes porn , whats the matter ? Scared of getting caught ! Well you would like to watch it when you are alone now , wouldn't you ? Well this certainly would be as good as it could get . Surf , Shag , do shit ! who gives a fuck ... Just be careful enough not to get caught or else the time you are taking off would prove to be legally binding upon you * Read as FIRED !*

3. Start doing crazy things

Do things that will grab attention like go to the cooler and hold a glass in your hand and whenever someone comes nearby take a sip and spit it out and add " This water takes like Vodka " . Now if you are working in an office full of Alcoholics the cooler would magically disappear before you even know it . Though you would enjoy the expressions on the faces of everyone who walks by . Now some common sense : Make sure are not spitting close to the same guy repeatedly .

4. Fall asleep

This is a stunt to be performed under a trained professional . You need to be really crazy to pull this one off ! Its rather impossible to get away without a warning once you are caught under these circumstances .


5. Call your boss from an anonymous number

Imagine you picking up your phone , dialing your bosses number and saying " Listen you frigging ass you are taking work too seriously , when was the last time you had sex with your wife. You ought to keep a tab on her , people from your office see her more often than you do . " Now here is the part where you insert a name of a colleague you hate to the guts . The rest of the frustration is followed by your boss's antics .


Now these are just a few instances of things that you could do at your work place . Apart from writing this blog I am supposed to be working at my work place too so will see you people around . Byee

Failed Love Attempts

These are ten instances where you will get rejected for your proposals for sure :

1. You are wearing red shorts . The "Superman /Superhero" has long faded away . Its time to grow up . ( Its not even close to being macho . And keep my Simpson shorts out of this ! )

2. You are dead drunk even when it is 10 in the morning . Ahh or was it just the hangover ?

3. You have a gambling problem . Rather you would even gamble away yourself just to be with the significant other . (Now again is that a good thing ? )

4. You are in love with someone whose gay . That is a situation you can't even make use of fruitfully unless you have photographs to prove otherwise *wink wink*

5. You are wearing too much make - up . Getting too metro-sexual isn't a good thing guys . Just wondering why would you even wear any make-up ?

6. You have an uncontrolled tendency to touch your opposite sex . When will you ever stop ! Your perversion will only get you as far as YashRaj Studios . Now will you be my valentine ? :P

7. You repeat whatever the other person says. Its irritating . Stop it ! ... no seriously "Stop it ! " .

8. You begin to feel that Himesh Reshammiya is God of mordern rock and start head banging every time "Tera Suroor " is being played . (Don't you even dare come close to me )

9. You are too religious . The thought you even kissing scares the shit out of you . You try to keep your harmony and sanctity by carrying pictures of Gods in your pockets , wearing things that a normal human being would not even dare to wear and you hate it when people say " Holy Shit ! "

10. Your name is Khaaan .... Khaan from the epiglottis . In short you are a retard whose got nothing better to do rather than reading this blog :P

Happy Birthday Ronak

Today we celebrate our beloved darling of all time Ronak's birthday . Even though he may not be present in India at this moment we still know that hes gonna get wasted at a filthy bar (*insert hyperbole*) . Well so far we have been writing things about that we may face in our daily life but today we wish to express a few thoughts about our darling Ronak aka Lost ( correct Ronak ? ) .

Qualities that Ronak we have come across over these years :


1. A brilliant student . Can learn almost anything and excel if hes puts his heart to it.

2. Is a good person at heart and helps his friends during their times of needs . (Expressed as the time when he completed projects of both 3rd year n 4th year during our college).

3. Eats a lot . Yes ! he does eat but no matter what he does his weight vanishes off to an undisclosed location ( we are still wondering how he stays so thin ) . And yes should we tell you about his chest that he goes flashing around in public . Man that thing will knock someones eyes out someday :P


So far we have exaggerated too much about his Goods now for the bads :

1. A person who never used to be on time . I wonder hows hes keeping up with his reputation in Canada . Rather who the hell helps you wake up man !!

2. Hes a heavy sleeper . Sleeps for hours long . This is how it happened :

Dharmesh : Arrey Ronak uth !!!

Ronak : Haan 5 minute

Dharmesh : (after 5 min ) Arrey Ronak uth !! Exam hai

Ronak : Haan haaan 5 min re ....

Dharmesh now completely assured that hes awake leaves the room .
But sadly thats where the fun part comes in . Ronak stays asleep no matter what :P



Now we miss him on this particular day and wish his all the good luck in his life ( LUCK !! Funny word hes already too lucky to survive this far ) . Cheers !


Ronaks Reply :

i decided to sacrifice,dis bday...
coz had no1 2 share...had no1 2 bare...
had a couple of frnds...to show sum care...
but dat wasnt enuf...to make it fair...

nw sum1 jus turnd up...wid a glare...
in their words and in all dat dey share...
dey showed me wat i got...in my lair...

its d endless friendship...its d endless love...
its d green stuff dats covered under d snow...
wasnt in my sight but its mine i know...
m lucky 2 own it...now i'll off it show...;)

iWRiTe - eVeRy MoRNiNG 4 aiR, DaT i BReaTHe

4 in the morning, at the 14th level,
In my balcony, when I'm having a smoke.
After a drag or two, I stretch my arm,
To share it with someone, I can call as a folk.

But there ain't any, I miss those many,
Friends that I had back home.
Nothing was mine, I earned nothing,
They were they only once, I owned.

Trust me or not, I miss them all,
They lie somewhere in my heart beneath.
I feel such things, I feel this bit,
Every Morning 4 air, that i breathe.