Seven Deadly Sins

If you are from Mumbai and wish to travel in a train , there are somethings you need to make note of . One , it is impossible to board a train during rush hours ( before 9am and after 5pm ) and two , that you need to flex your body in positions that only an olympic gymnast could ever think of . Here below I have listed a few 'aasanas' to help you get through the travel if you plan to board the train . 

1. Tandava Aasana :

This is quite similar to the mythological tandav nritya . Exactly the way lord shiva stood on one foot to work his magic here you follow suit to the posture . Practicing this will give you more space to protect your un-mentionables and also if you wish to protect your shoe shine from being stamped you just keep switching your foot . But a word of caution is don't get into the football spirit and kick somebody cause once you do that not even lord shiva can save you now .

2. Ek tang yaha ek tang waha Aasana :

After following this posture only a few survived to recite the tale . You place one leg close to you and the next leg goes through the crowd and into a spot where there is an inch of space remaining . Again this is practiced by trained professionals everyday so if you plan to pull this one off you better reach that vacant spot before anyone else does . Timing is the key.

3. Spoon Aasana / Snake Aasana :

As awkward it may sound it is exactly the position you need to form like a spoon . This again is a god gifted solution for the queers because the possibilities of being fornicated are endless . You wouldn't like it so much if you were straight though . It could cause you irreparable emotional trauma of things sliding up your back .

4. The Pharaoh Aasana :

The egyptian drawings that you'd see all through your childhood have motivated you enough to try the positions someday . Now is your chance to actual put it to some use . Normally this occurs when you get one of your feet in a safespot and the other is hanging mid air cause some idiot has placed his luggage on the doorway . But fear not this keeps your nuts protected guaranteed !

5. Ardh vayu mein latkum Aasana :

A strong use of your shoulder muscles and a will power to hang for long hours is required to execute this . You are floating mid air since there is no space that remains to keep your foot on . You start with simple pull-ups for this and eventually you hang dead mid air . Well this is what you had signed for ; the olympic package right ?

6. Walk the plank Aasana :

The machos of our country usually who die when hit by a train from the opposite direction or a pole that has been very skillfully left behind to dodge are prone to practice this daily . All you have to do is place one of your leg on the foot board , hold the handlebar tight and enjoy the breeze that flows . It is effective when you alight the train compartment / boogie last or when the train is about to leave the platform .

7. Save your precious Aasana [ Not for women ] :

Ever wondered about a hand that has been floating in the air a while ago which suddenly disappeared . You begin to have a feeling of things crawling up your pants and you wish you were dead when someone gets a grip of your wiener . This is when you put your hands down and protect your man hood . It is best used when you are surrounded by men who have a worn shades of pink . Note of caution is avoid collision with another man if he is facing your way .