5 things for you to do when you are drunk

1. Call a random number : Well you might as well make use of the opportunity that you've in hand . You could probably bump into some you always wanted to meet . Meet the one you've always wanted to be with . Though it is highly unexpected that you meet someone you actually want to but still who gives a heck that you meet him/her or not , still worth a try calling them up in the middle of the night and telling them that its a wrong number . Well it is forbidden to do so if you are already committed to someone so better be ready to face the music if you're caught doing so .
2. Listen to classical music : Yes it might sound very awkward to you right now since you ain't high enough but yes you should totally try this one when you are tipsy . You'll have this feeling of being highly elated with extra attention to the lyrics that start stacking in your head . You could always add a bit of dance to those lyrics my man - perhaps a small treat for the onlookers .
3. Wait for your ride at a local bar : You were expecting to get a ride back home but NO in this particular city you won't get a ride until you are are living somewhere in South Mumbai so stop cribbing and wait for you ride to drop you back home . You will always love the ride back since you can get along with your cab driver and get to know about the real problems in his life that he is facing e.g. His problem with the hernia that he just had extracted .
4. Drunk Texting / Blogging  ( Courtesy - White Bhabhi  ) : You were expecting to tell someone that you've been waiting to tell them for a long time but you never had the balls to do it . So I guess this is where you go do it . You pick up your phone/laptop and write to whomsoever it may concern that they are not actually doing so well atleast not in your perspective . And if they ever disapprove you could just get away with telling them you were drunk .
5. Go do a Amy Winehouse : This one is totally out of context ; never to be performed but if you really want it then try it once . Get yourself so drunk that the more you try to think about last night it never occurs to you that there was actually a last night at all . 

P.S. No intentions for hurting the sentiments of the dead being caused here . Amy Winehouse was a great artist indeed . 

The will to move on

A few days ago I made a promise to myself that I would blog about a lot of things everyday . But that promise did not stand its ground for too long . The most I could write about is some funny things here and some there but last week after the serial blasts in Mumbai I had nothing to build my conversations to . I feared that a lot of sentiments were attached to this city that never sleeps .

People hailing from different parts of the country stepped in this city of hope expecting to earn their daily bread . Yes ' hope' , strange but that was exactly what kept them going . A hope for a better living . But now those are accompanied by fear  . The fear of living their dream while they stay alive . We ought to know the enemy is within us . Staying aware about any suspicious activities in and around our neighbourhood is what we need to work on . That extra mile needs to be traveled to keep ourselves safe . A family shall bless you for being the person who saved the day , every-fucking-day of their lives !

Seven Deadly Sins

If you are from Mumbai and wish to travel in a train , there are somethings you need to make note of . One , it is impossible to board a train during rush hours ( before 9am and after 5pm ) and two , that you need to flex your body in positions that only an olympic gymnast could ever think of . Here below I have listed a few 'aasanas' to help you get through the travel if you plan to board the train . 

1. Tandava Aasana :

This is quite similar to the mythological tandav nritya . Exactly the way lord shiva stood on one foot to work his magic here you follow suit to the posture . Practicing this will give you more space to protect your un-mentionables and also if you wish to protect your shoe shine from being stamped you just keep switching your foot . But a word of caution is don't get into the football spirit and kick somebody cause once you do that not even lord shiva can save you now .

2. Ek tang yaha ek tang waha Aasana :

After following this posture only a few survived to recite the tale . You place one leg close to you and the next leg goes through the crowd and into a spot where there is an inch of space remaining . Again this is practiced by trained professionals everyday so if you plan to pull this one off you better reach that vacant spot before anyone else does . Timing is the key.

3. Spoon Aasana / Snake Aasana :

As awkward it may sound it is exactly the position you need to form like a spoon . This again is a god gifted solution for the queers because the possibilities of being fornicated are endless . You wouldn't like it so much if you were straight though . It could cause you irreparable emotional trauma of things sliding up your back .

4. The Pharaoh Aasana :

The egyptian drawings that you'd see all through your childhood have motivated you enough to try the positions someday . Now is your chance to actual put it to some use . Normally this occurs when you get one of your feet in a safespot and the other is hanging mid air cause some idiot has placed his luggage on the doorway . But fear not this keeps your nuts protected guaranteed !

5. Ardh vayu mein latkum Aasana :

A strong use of your shoulder muscles and a will power to hang for long hours is required to execute this . You are floating mid air since there is no space that remains to keep your foot on . You start with simple pull-ups for this and eventually you hang dead mid air . Well this is what you had signed for ; the olympic package right ?

6. Walk the plank Aasana :

The machos of our country usually who die when hit by a train from the opposite direction or a pole that has been very skillfully left behind to dodge are prone to practice this daily . All you have to do is place one of your leg on the foot board , hold the handlebar tight and enjoy the breeze that flows . It is effective when you alight the train compartment / boogie last or when the train is about to leave the platform .

7. Save your precious Aasana [ Not for women ] :

Ever wondered about a hand that has been floating in the air a while ago which suddenly disappeared . You begin to have a feeling of things crawling up your pants and you wish you were dead when someone gets a grip of your wiener . This is when you put your hands down and protect your man hood . It is best used when you are surrounded by men who have a worn shades of pink . Note of caution is avoid collision with another man if he is facing your way .

Change is Easy

Most people are always telling you that they are scared of change . But when it comes to using a new social network called "Google+" instead of their own favourite "facebook" its rather pretty easy to make the switch . Well you ain't completely falling back to using Google+ but you are again using it for the sake of kicks . That little invitation that you've got made you special among the rest . Yes google wouldn't let you use this product unless you have an invitation . It was said that the invitation those were given out right after its release were mind numbingly huge and they had to shut the whole invitation thing down right after a few hours they started it . Now they are adding one person in your friend circle at a time .

Now you aren't using this just for the kicks you know not till you know whose the most favourite person on Google+ is actually Mark Zuckerburg . I know what you're thinking that google is just messing around with its search results to put Mark up there on the list , sinister indeed ! But nonetheless this thing has its ups . 

Circles : 

Not to be  mistaken with crop circles . You can create your own little groups called as 'Circles' . For novices like me I would refer to it just like putting labels to your incoming mail this would be having a friend in a group or multiple groups . Now again these circles are pretty holy . Imagine you have a bunch of friends talking about how cool the discussion last night was and you are left behind pondering over what could possibly be that these guys were talking about and then they tell you that they were chatting about it on their google circle .   A great way to have people to want more out of their socializing . 

Hangouts :

This is more sort of a group video conference . You can create one yourself  by adding people to a particular hangout . That's it ! You ain't got nothing special in here just a sprinkly of sharing youtube videos . But the names got a cool ring to it , doesn't it ? 

Plus one :

A geekier version of 'liking' something using a google product . A little icon with +1 on it placed on the right  of every link that has been posted in your stream . You could just appreciate it but clicking it once just like the facebook like button . 

Things that Google+ doesn't have yet would be people , games and tons of other distractions that would go with it . I presume this is the start of a really good project but again google doesn't back its reputation much with the social network scenario after Buzz and Wave . So only time can tell how well this works out for everyone . Until then you can still add me on orkut , WHAT YOU DON'T USE IT ANYMORE !!! 

Ok then follow me on twitter : www.twitter.com/krkoduru


Leave your email address in the comment section if you want an invite